Recently a lot has been going on in my life, which has resulted in a lack of blog posts and particularly reviews from me. I feel like a lot of other bloggers have shared some more personal posts with their blog readers, and while I have given little tidbits of my life happenings, I haven’t really opened up to you all. I’m also hoping that writing this post will help me through this time in my life, because right now I feel like I’m just snowballing.
As you may remember last year around October I mentioned that I was sick for quite a while. I got whooping cough, which lasts for FOREVER and causes extreme body-shaking coughing. Well, it exhausted me and I missed about a month and a half of school if you add it all up. Being a high school student, that was the worst scenario possible. I’m a fanatic about my grades, and with taking three AP classes this year the whole experience set me back and crushed me. I still maintained a good average, but it was so frustrating because I knew had I been in school I could have been doing so much better. Add to it teachers who were the farthest from understanding, and I became a complete stress-case. Fast forward to just about a month ago — I JUST got caught up with all of my schoolwork from when I was out sick.
The week before my spring break I caught a little something again, but it was nowhere near as serious as before. More work to make up. And the days of school that I’ve missed just keeps adding up. It’s making me not only super stressed about keeping up my grades and getting caught up, but also college applications. I’m stressed over the possibility of schools seeing the number of days that I missed this year.
This cycle just keeps happening and it is exhausting me physically as well as taking a mental toll on me. I was in denial about it for the longest time, but I’m seriously suffering from anxiety and stress. I’ve missed more school days this week because I’ve been so nervous about going back to school and confronting teachers after more days missed. I’ve always suffered from migraines, but this week I’ve had one all day everyday — now the stress is taking a toll on my health. My doctor is working on prescribing me a medication that will help both the headaches and the anxiety, but until then I have to push through on my own.
I think part of my problem is that I’m so focused on my grades, school, etc. I know what I want, and not achieving that because of the stress that keeps consuming me just ADDS to it all. Reading and blogging always helps me cope, but seeing as I’ve missed so much work I don’t have time to do the things that make me feel better. See how it’s turning into a cycle?
I hope this post doesn’t seem whiney, but really I wanted to write this for me. I think putting it all into words helps, and I’m blogging so it’s also calming me down. I’m not in denial about the problem anymore, and I’m hoping that soon I’ll be able to face it head on. There is only one quarter left in school for me that I have to make it through and then I’ll be on summer vacation! I’m looking forward to it for many reasons, but I’m really excited that I’ll be doing a six week pre-college program at my dream college. I know that it will be a lot of work and most likely stressful, but it’ll be good stress and lots of excitement!
If you made it this far in this post, thanks for listening to me vent. You’re all amazing and I hope to have a bookish post for you all very soon!