On a Personal Note

Recently a lot has been going on in my life, which has resulted in a lack of blog posts and particularly reviews from me. I feel like a lot of other bloggers have shared some more personal posts with their blog readers, and while I have given little tidbits of my life happenings, I haven’t really opened up to you all. I’m also hoping that writing this post will help me through this time in my life, because right now I feel like I’m just snowballing.

As you may remember last year around October I mentioned that I was sick for quite a while. I got whooping cough, which lasts for FOREVER and causes extreme body-shaking coughing. Well, it exhausted me and I missed about a month and a half of school if you add it all up. Being a high school student, that was the worst scenario possible. I’m a fanatic about my grades, and with taking three AP classes this year the whole experience set me back and crushed me. I still maintained a good average, but it was so frustrating because I knew had I been in school I could have been doing so much better. Add to it teachers who were the farthest from understanding, and I became a complete stress-case. Fast forward to just about a month ago — I JUST got caught up with all of my schoolwork from when I was out sick.

The week before my spring break I caught a little something again, but it was nowhere near as serious as before. More work to make up. And the days of school that I’ve missed just keeps adding up. It’s making me not only super stressed about keeping up my grades and getting caught up, but also college applications. I’m stressed over the possibility of schools seeing the number of days that I missed this year.

This cycle just keeps happening and it is exhausting me physically as well as taking a mental toll on me. I was in denial about it for the longest time, but I’m seriously suffering from anxiety and stress. I’ve missed more school days this week because I’ve been so nervous about going back to school and confronting teachers after more days missed. I’ve always suffered from migraines, but this week I’ve had one all day everyday — now the stress is taking a toll on my health. My doctor is working on prescribing me a medication that will help both the headaches and the anxiety, but until then I have to push through on my own.

I think part of my problem is that I’m so focused on my grades, school, etc. I know what I want, and not achieving that because of the stress that keeps consuming me just ADDS to it all. Reading and blogging always helps me cope, but seeing as I’ve missed so much work I don’t have time to do the things that make me feel better. See how it’s turning into a cycle?

I hope this post doesn’t seem whiney, but really I wanted to write this for me. I think putting it all into words helps, and I’m blogging so it’s also calming me down. I’m not in denial about the problem anymore, and I’m hoping that soon I’ll be able to face it head on. There is only one quarter left in school for me that I have to make it through and then I’ll be on summer vacation! I’m looking forward to it for many reasons, but I’m really excited that I’ll be doing a six week pre-college program at my dream college. I know that it will be a lot of work and most likely stressful, but it’ll be good stress and lots of excitement!

If you made it this far in this post, thanks for listening to me vent. You’re all amazing and I hope to have a bookish post for you all very soon!

xo

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28 thoughts on “On a Personal Note

  1. Glad to see you doing better, and catching up! Blogging, although a priority, doesn’t come close to education! Get that dealt with first, and we’ll be here ready for you to make your comeback.

  2. Wow, you’ve got a lot going on! Thank you for sharing what’s happening in your life. Sending positive vibes your way and hoping that your health will improve and everything will work itself out. Always love seeing your posts come up in my feed, but I completely sympathize about the stress of everything you’re going through and by no means should blogging be an additional source of stress. We’ll be waiting for you and rooting for you the whole way!

  3. *hugs* I hope those migraines go away soon! I know how stressful that can be D: If I could make a suggestion, maybe do a thing where you work for half an hour and read for five minutes? Or work for an hour and read for ten minutes? That way you still get that mental break, but don’t take up SO much time and miss more work πŸ™‚

    No matter how you handle it, don’t worry about the blogging! We’ll all be here when you come back πŸ˜‰

  4. It’s great that you have found an outlet for your feelings – some people run, you (and other bookish people) read and blog πŸ™‚
    I hope you’re feeling better and that thoughts of the summer will get you through the tough times!

  5. Sometimes teachers have a horrible tendency to not quite understand what’s going on at home, or in students personal lives, a lot of the time I think they forget that although students are “kids” or young people, that doesn’t mean they don’t have stuff going on, because they do. From experience, try not to worry too much about college applications regarding your time off, if you have Dr notes to cover it and a reasonable explanation, AND your grades are still good because you actually care, they should understand that. Things happen in life, and the fact that you’ve fought through it so hard? Include that in your application or interview – it shows serious ambition and dedication, which means a lot! It’s easier said than done, but try not to stress yourself out over it too much. Yes, grades are important, but so is your health. If you’re still getting good grades, then that’s great, and sometimes “good” is enough. Perfectionism leads to a very troubled brain. When I was doing my A Levels, which are our exams before uni and determine if you get in or not, my mum became critically ill, and I missed a lot of time. I went from getting 4 As, to getting 1 A and 3 Bs. I still got into uni, I still got my degree, and now no one ever asks what I got in those exams. Your best effort is good enough, don’t forget to breathe πŸ˜€

  6. Aw, that sucks! But well done for realising your problem, that can be hard. My teacher recommends that we do half an hour of absolutely nothing. Just sit outside in the sun, have a nap if you want to. Apparently it really works and calms you down πŸ™‚ Your holidays sound awesome, have fun!

  7. First of all here’s a big (((((hug))))) in hopes it’ll make you feel better.
    Thanks for sharing your woes with us. Hope you feel a little better after sharing them. Sometimes it helps to write it all down to get a little perspective.
    Don’t worry about sharing your feelings with us, after all, it’s your blog and you can post in it whatever you want.
    You are not alone, we all have lives behind our blogs, and yes it’s not all peachy for many us. I know how you are feeling, as I am going through a bit of a life crisis too.
    Don’t worry about not blogging, it’s better that you do it to make you feel happy and better, than to think of blogging as an obligation. Besides, your health and schoolwork come first. I myself also suffer from migraines caused by stress. Hope your medication works. My doctor also prescribed me citicoline, ask your doctor if that can help you. And don’t stress so much about your grades. Do your work as best as you can, you’ll get good grades. Don’t worry if they are not the picture perfect ones you are used too, as long as you know you are giving your all, you’ll be OK.
    Take all the time off blogging you need, I’m sure your come back recharged. Till your next post! πŸ™‚

  8. I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time Emily. Speaking as a fellow migraineur I know how horrible those can be. My biggest triggers are stress, exhaustion, weather, and hormones. I hope everything gets under control soon. Don’t worry about your blogging. People are very understanding, and you don’t want something that you love doing to turn into another stressor. Hopefully your medication will kick in soon. One thing that I’ve found helps is a migra cap. It’s this dark cap that blocks out the light and has ice packs sewn in that hit all the sensitive parts of your head. It’s fantastic! Feel better soonπŸ’πŸ’πŸ’

  9. So sorry to hear about what a hard year you’re having. Having a serious illness has such a big ripple effect on everything else in your life. Sounds like you’re doing all the things you need to do to get through this. If you’re really worried about the absences and how they’ll look when you apply to college, I’d recommend finding a way to talk about the challenges of this year in one of your essays! I hope you take care of yourself, ask your parents and doctors for the help you need, and give yourself space and time to rest. πŸ™‚

  10. Aww, Emily! I’m so sorry you’ve been going through all of this!! I know that everything will work out just fine for you so that you can finally relax a little! You come first before the blog and everyone can appreciate that. We’ll just have to wait for your next bookish post. πŸ™‚

    Congrats on your summer program! That sounds so exciting!

  11. This is NOT whiny at all!! I HEAR YOU AND TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THIS. Agh, I’ve suffered with severe anxiety for years, and I homeschooled as part of a coping mechanism. I don’t think I could’ve survived highschool (I’m waiting my little sister go through all the stress of exams and it looks incredibly scary) so I do hope the medication helps a bit and just, that, well, I REALLY hope the migraines go. It’s sucky feeling lousy and it’s even worse when there’s heaps of pressure on you. I’M HOPING YOU GET THROUGH THIS. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

    1. OMG I’M SO EMBARRASSED. I accidentally clicked control copy on the end of that comment (ergh, don’t ask how, I just did) and that tweet was on there….ahhhh.) *hides in shame* If you want to not approve my comment I totally would understand why. I AM SO DYSFUNCTIONAL RIGHT NOW. Sorry. >_<

  12. This might be a little after the fact, but don’t worry about colleges and focus on what you need to do to get better! Trust me, colleges don’t really care about absences if your grades are still in a good range — I missed quite a lot of days in high school, but judging from how things turned out for me colleges didn’t care. Hope you’re feeling better about things!

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